I think a blog quite quickly starts to act as your therapist. I think this then fucks you up a bit because maybe you didn’t need a therapist at first, and now having a therapist and speaking with it is making you realise that you are actually all kinds of screwed up in the head. You start to write a problem and in doing so unravel a whole load of others. Things that just laid dormant at the back of your head suddenly become mysteries that you want to work out answers for, but in reality there probably often are no solutions.
But it’s too late now, the therapist exists, he’s out of his box and he calls me back to the chair whenever I stay away for too long. He makes me feel guilty for not talking to him. So I’m back, and I hope he’s happy now.
It’s the first end of year that I’ve experienced while maintaining a blog, and I’m back as it would seem all too wrong for me not to do some kind of recap of 2012, with then a bit of laying down hopes and wishes for the following year…
So what’s the deal with 2012 anyway? Like, where the hell did it go? (audience laughs) I started the year in London, and now it’s the beginning of 2013 and in 6 days I’m off to Japan. It would have been hard to predict any of this, Japan was never even an intention at the beginning of the year. But I’ve got tickets now, I’ve got money, and I’m rearing to go.
And I think those last two sentences really encapsulate how I’ve changed this year, what 2012 has meant to me. If I was to look back and wonder how are things different now, how have I changed? My answer would have to lie in my actions and my viewpoints. I say I’m going to do something now, and I believe I am going to do it. It’s something that’s perhaps come from positive reaffirmation, through seeing thoughts become reality over and over again. And this year, perhaps unlike others, that is what I have seen. I dreamed of going to Italy on my bike when I cycled home from Poland. I arrived this year. I wanted to learn Italian, I did it (to some degree, and am still doing it). I wanted to go to Japan, I brought my ticket. I wanted to be surrounded by Japanese people, I moved into a Japanese family’s house in Milan. I wanted to save money, I found a ton of work.
I hope the above doesn’t come across as bragging, I just wanted to pinpoint the exact things that have caused a positive change in me this year. The world seems infinitely smaller, because now it seems like I can go anywhere, that I can do anything I say I’m going to. Actually not that I can do, but that I will do, or I will do my best to get there. My decisions mean something to me now, while also I finally feel like I’m finding the right decisions, the things I want to do that are best for me to do, or even that I would be best at doing.
So what does 2013 have in store?
Well it’s the end of the blog I’m afraid.
Yes the end of the blog as we know it. I’ve brought a video camera and I’m planning on going documentary style, I’m really excited about this project… it’s going to be big.
The spirit of adventure has kind of changed as well. It’s not anymore about saddling up on bikes and getting invited into people’s homes, it’s just about going out and trying out new projects. I think this year I realised that I’d kind of done that adventure sort of thing, and actually when it came down to it, it just wasn’t as enjoyable as other projects, places or things I could be spending my time with. However these off the cuff trips in strange fashions will always have a big place in my heart, and I am planning a hitch-hiking tour of Japan throughout March. As always, I’ll be packing a tent… just in case.
Hence this blog is going to stop discussing me and what I’m thinking about doing, about the philosophies of adventure, and maybe move into writing odd articles about things that are actually happening, or things I’ve seen, or things I’ve actually done. Writing about things that actually have happened? Yes, I’ve gone mad.
The frequency of writing might go down as I focus on the video projects, but I’m hoping they will in time more than make up for the lack of other content.
I go to Japan on Friday. Mission Total Immersion 3 begins, and once again it’s brought its share of twists.
Thinking on that, I thus suspect a new mission statement will be arriving here sometime soon.
So I suppose actually maybe it’s not going to be too different around here up on this blog…
Happy new year everyone,